“Life is filled with swift transitions.” That was the first thing that came to mind when I decided to write this post. The past couple of months have been a very interesting place for me. I’m not sure if anyone else could feel it, but a major shift took place a couple of months ago. I was conversing with a friend girl of mine, and we both agreed that there was, indeed, something going on in the atmosphere. I had no idea that I would, too, be apart of the “shift”.
Whenever God is trying to get you somewhere, He will always get your attention. Sometimes, He’s a gentleman about it and sometimes, He will allow you to go until you get tired and surrender. But then there are times when none of the above happens, and He just sends you on a trail of curiosity and then says, “Come here, let me show you something,” and He sits you down and gets to work immediately. I have been feeling the tug of God for a while now and then one day, that’s exactly what He did. He saw that I was curious and because I was, He summoned me to a place of stillness and introspection. Let me tell something to you, TRUE introspection is not for the weak. Introspection on top of trauma therapy has caused more tears than a Nicholas Sparks novel, but it is all worth it.
No one tells you about the amount of mourning that comes with change. No one warns you about the space between becoming and not there yet, and how weird it is. I thought that this year was my year to fly, but my wings weren’t ready. I was a caterpillar making its way into its cocoon. Have you ever wondered what happens inside of a cocoon? In the pupa stage, the old body is shed and a new one is wrapped in a protective casing called a chrysalis. Most caterpillars spin coverings for this new body called a cocoon. Most people believe that the cocoon is a resting place, but there is a lot of activity happening inside. While inside, the old body is being broken down to transform into a beautiful new creature. It digests itself from the inside out (that almost sent me!!) with the same juices it used as a larva to digest food. The fluid breaks down the old body into cells called the imaginal cells, which are undifferentiated cells, which means they can become any type of cell. These cells help form the new body. The process of transformation within the chrysalis is called holometabolism. It could take up to two week or as long as many months, depending on the creature and the weather condition (oh, my soul!!). They either escape by cutting their way out from the inside or using the fluids to soften the cocoon to complete transition.
When transitioning, the old body sheds. What used to serve you, no longer feels right; nothing is the same. The internal work begins. You start to evaluate your life, habits, relationships, and so many other things and start taking inventory. You know that there is more, but you aren’t where more is just yet. The coping mechanisms you used to have don’t feel the same. The things you used to want, you don’t want them anymore. The further you go down in God, the more He starts to reveal to you. It is uncomfortable. It is hard. It is shattering. It is lonely. It is crushing. It is heart-breaking. It is soul-wrenching. It, sometimes, feels like you cannot breath. No one tells you the amount of suffering that comes with transitioning. No one warns you that “I buffet myself so that I, myself, won’t be a castaway” shakes you to the core. At the center of it all, You still have to remember that none of it is about you, but all of it is the perfecting of what is IN you. That was the revelation that I had to come to. None of this is about me; it’s about what God is trying to do in me. For I reckon, that the sufferings of this present time is not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us… in me. New wine cannot fit inside of an old wine skin. Old keys won’t fit new doors. Transition well.